A step-by-step plan for the first hour, the first evening and the two days after
By Caspar Chittenden, Co-founder and Head Coach, Path Community
To reset when life feels like too much, stop adding effort and give your body two days to come down first. Spend the first hour getting physically calm, the first evening off screens and in bed early, and the next 48 hours on sleep, movement, food and one honest conversation. Decisions about what to change come after that, once you can think clearly.
When did you last stop for long enough to notice how you actually feel? Most men keep pushing until something forces a stop. This plan gives you the stop on your own terms.
The first hour
Get your body out of overdrive before you try to sort anything out.
- Step away from the screen and go outside for 20 minutes. Walk, without headphones.
- Slow your breathing. Breathe out for longer than you breathe in, for two or three minutes.
- Drink a glass of water and eat something proper if you have skipped meals.
Leave the to-do list alone for now. A stressed brain makes poor decisions about what matters.
The first evening
- Phone off or in another room from 8pm.
- No alcohol tonight. It feels like it helps you switch off, but it disturbs sleep later in the night.
- Write down everything on your mind, quickly, without sorting it. Close the notebook. It will still be there tomorrow.
- Go to bed earlier than usual, even if you do not sleep straight away.
Day one
- Move. Anything that raises your heart rate for 30 minutes: a run, a swim, a long walk with hills.
- Cancel one thing. Choose one commitment that can move without real harm and move it.
- Eat at regular times. Skipping meals keeps your body in alarm mode.
Day two
- Have one honest conversation. Tell one person, a partner, a friend or another man, how things have really been. One sentence is enough: “I’ve been running on empty and I’m taking a couple of days to reset.”
- Spend time on something that has no purpose. Cook, fix something, play with your kids, sit in the garden.
- Reopen the notebook. Circle the one thing causing the most pressure. Only that one.
The first week
With a clearer head, deal with the circled item. If the pressure comes from carrying too much, use the three-pile method to work out what to hand off and what to drop. Keep the sleep, movement and phone rules going for the full week. The reset holds when the habits outlast the weekend. If you have been here before and slipped back, You Know You Need to Change. So Why Aren’t You? looks at why.
What should I do first?
The first thing to do when life feels like too much is to calm your body, before you try to solve anything. Go outside, walk for 20 minutes and slow your breathing. Problems look smaller and more solvable once your stress response has settled.
Do I need time off work?
You may not need time off work for a reset if you can use a weekend and protect your evenings for a week. If you cannot face work at all, or the feeling has lasted weeks, speak to your GP. Mind’s guide to managing stress is a good next read.
How do I sleep when my head won’t switch off?
When your head won’t switch off at night, get the thoughts out of it before bed. Writing them down tells your brain they are stored somewhere safe. Keep the room cool and dark, leave the phone outside, and if you are still awake after 20 minutes, get up and read something dull in low light until you feel sleepy.
When is it more than stress?
It is more than stress when the feeling lasts for weeks, rest no longer helps, and you feel detached rather than pressured. Those are signs of burnout or low mood. Read the signs of burnout, and see your GP if your mood has been low most days for more than two weeks. If you ever feel you might harm yourself, call Samaritans free on 116 123.
Sources
- Mind, Managing stress and building resilience
- NHS, Symptoms of depression in adults
- Samaritans, samaritans.org
Start with discomfort. Follow through with accountability. Stay for the men beside you. That is Path Community.
Ready to do this alongside other men? Start with OUR EVENTS, see the full programme in OUR MODULES, and find everything else about Path Community HERE.